SKILL/ CONCEPT TO UNDERSTAND
Hurt Partner (HP) SAMPLE QUESTIONS TO ASK
Sample Questions the Hurt Partner (HP) Can Ask the Betraying Partner (BP) to Rebuild Trust
1- You can ask for access to the BP phone and email.
2- You can ask for the monthly phone records.
3- You can ask for proof that the affair is over.
4- you can ask for the BP to tell you immediately when the affair partner makes contact, so you two can decide together if and how you are to respond.
5- You can ask use GPS location to know where your partner is, or to double check that they are where they say they are.
6- You can ask your partner to send picture texts and short videos to prove where they were they say they are.
7- You can ask your partner to delete social media accounts, especially if your partner carried on an affair via social media.
8- You can ask your partner to clean house on social media, eliminating potential and perceived threats.
9- You can ask your partner not to delete their web browser history.
10- You can ask your partner not to empty their trash folder in their email accounts.
11- you can ask your partner to access the financials credit card, bank, and investment account statements.
12- You can ask your partner to transfer assets into your name and or create a joint bank account.
13- You can ask the GP to quit the club or membership that the affair partner belonged to.
14- You can ask your partner to initiate conversations and provide information without being asked or having to dig for it.
15- You can ask your partner to move to another city with you.
16- You can ask your partner to quit and find another job, if the affair happened at the BP's current job.
17- You can ask the BP and the affair partner to limit contact to business only and your partner tells you when they had contact if the affair partner is at your partner's current job.
18- You can ask that your partner avoids taking you to places they took the affair partner.
19- You can ask to visit your partner at work.
20- You can ask that your partner comes home immediately after work.
21- You can ask for an accurate itinerary when your partner travels.
22- You can ask that they limit work travel, or only make day trips, or limit overnight trips.
23- You can ask that they call and text more often,
24- You can ask that they increase physical affection in non-sexual ways.
25- You can ask that they initiate sex more frequently.
26- You can ask that they spend more time in foreplay.
27- You can ask that they make you feel that you are only for them.
28- You can ask that they initiate and thoughtfully plan date nights
29- You can ask that they talk to you about their feelings.
30- You can ask that they show interest in you, simply asking about your day or your dreams.
31- You can ask them to join you in your hobbies and activities and vice versa.
32- You can ask them to soothe you after you share your triggers.
33- You can ask them to solve conflict directly instead of minimizing, shutting down, or withdrawing
34- You can ask that they go to individual and couples therapy to figure out why they did what they did, and to uncover all the variables that led to their decision to betray you.
35- You can ask for a post nuptial agreement.
36- You can ask for the truth from your feeding partner, even if it means hurting your feelings.
37- You can ask for their full attention when you talk.
38- You can ask that they read a self-help book with you.
39- You can ask that they buy a new mattress or bedroom furniture if your partner brought the affair partner into your home.
40- You can ask for more verbal appreciation.
41- You can ask that they decrease drinking if alcohol was a contributing factor to the affair.
42- You can ask for a decrease in pornography use.
43- You can ask your partner who wear their wedding ring again, every day.
44- You can ask that they write you notes or letters.
45- You can ask that they decrease contact or give up a friendship, if the friend help covered up their cheating.
46- You can ask that your partner gets tested for STD's and to go to your doctor's appointment with you.
47- You can ask them to tell you that they find you attractive.
48- You can ask for them to tell you they love you, and why they love you
49- You can ask them to answer all your questions about the affair.
50- You can ask for your partner to show rest for what they had done,